Loyalty/Letdowns

I've been told that I'm loyal to a fault and sometimes I just feel like such a douche because I do things that I have no desire to do out of loyalty. Tonight I have to go to Brendan's birthday function in Wicker Park and normally I would not think twice about this but today fucking sucked. The snow caused my commute to balloon two a whopping hour and a half each way, got into it with my parent company over repair times and now I'm fucking beat.

However, that being said, I have to go to this function. My tired ass is going to throw on some clothes, wear my warmest apparel and brave the elements. Because I enjoy it? Because I want to go to a bar on a random Tuesday night? No. I am going because I hate letting people down. Brendan wants me there, so I'll go. I consider him a good friend of mine but it's literally a snowy, sleeting mess outside that is likely going to cause me to fall ill at the most inopportune time of the year.

Why do I do this? I really don't like saying no to things that are important to other people, or for that matter totally irrelevant in anyone's lives. Tonight is a prime example, I asked if it would be a big deal if I skipped tonight, the response was "severely." I really don't like letting people down. To say no is the right plan tonight, get a good night's sleep and then wake up nice and early for the office tomorrow. I won't do that, not tonight at least.

Sometimes I think I'd be happier if less people liked me. One thing that always comes from that is I really like my friends and family and having people around is a hell of a lot better than being lonely. Been to that place too......